if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
