it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
