So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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