Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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