youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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