i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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