I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
