hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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