oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize