Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
