Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
