i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i permit you to call me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
