I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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