Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
