Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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