I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize