My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
