he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
