We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize