I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
