You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am spending my child support on dildos
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
