why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
