Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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