But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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