I accidentally burped into my bong.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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