He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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