If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
