i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
