Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
