Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
