He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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