No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
