epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
