Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
