He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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