Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
