I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
