My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
