I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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