First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize