Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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