sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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