Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
