Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i already hear my dad disowning me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
