I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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