you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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