I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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