when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
