im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
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