When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
