She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
