Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
