The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
