smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
