Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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