I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I AM VODKA MAN
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize