I only kidnapped one of them. chill
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
