I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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